COMMUNICATING
WITH STYLE
Recently, as I rode
in the shuttle from the Phoenix airport to the hotel, I
saw on the street corner the guy you’ve seen many times
before. You know what he looked like. He had the long,
scraggly, dishwater blonde shoulder-length hair; the
leather-tan reddish face; the dirty clothes, and the
cardboard sign.
Only one thing was different. Printed in big letters on
his cardboard sign were these uniquely candid words:
“OK, I won’t lie. I need beer.”
Though I didn’t support his cause, I wanted to jump out
of the shuttle and give him a dollar for his honesty
(not to
mention his creativity and humor).
The man on the corner was clear about his needs. Other
people are rarely so candid. Yet, your success in
communicating with an individual or group depends on
your understanding of their needs and wants.
William Bernbach said, “Nothing is so powerful as an
insight into human nature…what compulsions drive a man,
what instincts dominate his action. If you know these
things, you can touch him at the core of his being.”
THE BIGGEST
COMMUNICATION MISTAKE
At the root of many communication snafus is an
assumption born of good intentions. Using the Golden
Rule, you tend to communicate with others in the style
you would want. This seems like a worthy goal…but it
will miss the mark unless that individual is just like
you.
The truth is, you will be most successful when you
communicate with people in the way THEY feel most
comfortable.
LEARNING TO FLEX
In our program, “From Personality Clashes to Partners,”
we apply state-of-the-art assessments to the development
of specialized strategies for relating with others more
effectively. By becoming a more skillful observer of
behaviors, you can make a strong “educated guess” about
the best way to communicate with a given individual.
Your credibility and influence will go up exponentially
as the person experiences you as “similar.”
The details of understanding and blending communication
styles are outside the scope of this brief article.
However, these three steps are giant strides in the
direction of better teamwork with a diverse group of
people.
1. Understand
yourself and your natural style.
The beginning of communicating with style is to
understand your own habits…HOW you communicate and
relate naturally. Unless you are consciously adapting,
you will instinctively rely on what “seems right” to
you. However, “normal” for you may be abnormal and
foreign to a person with a different style and other
talents and strengths. You have to take the process a
step further.
2. Learn to “read”
the communication preferences of others.
Some people like…
·directness;
·lots of details and data;
·friendly chit-chat;
·time to think;
·spontaneity;
…and some don’t!
Pay attention to people’s customary actions, and this
will give you strong clues about the communication style
and content that they prefer. For instance, notice
whether the person’s behavior is outgoing and direct, or
whether the person tends to be more “inward.” Further,
observe whether the individual seems to be more
people-oriented or task- oriented.
Notice how this person decorates his/her office space.
Does the person seem to value order and organization?
Are the pictures on the wall graphs of productivity?
Are there family pictures on the desk? Cartoons posted
on the bulletin board or filing cabinet?
Observing the person’s actions and forming hypotheses
about the person’s style, you can begin to plan how you
will communicate with the person, speaking his or her
“native language.”
3. Customize your
approach to that person’s preferred communication style.
I can hear you saying, “But wait! I have to be myself!
I don’t want to be false.”
I’m not talking about BECOMING something you are not.
I’m talking about temporarily flexing your approach to
enable you to connect more quickly and strongly with all
types of people.
That’s what the most persuasive communicators and most
successful salespeople do.
FLEX WHEN LISTENING, TOO
Did you ever get impatient with someone who ran on and
on with endless, seemingly irrelevant details? Or, on
the other hand, have you become really uncomfortable
when a person seemed to speed through important points,
apparently without the thought you felt was necessary?
Don’t turn off! Realize that he or she is just
different from you, not wrong.
Be a patient listener to the detail person…but then help
him or her focus with questions like, “What’s the bottom
line to what you think we need to do?” Or, summarize…
“So if I’ve heard you correctly, the top three things
that you think have contributed to our low productivity
are…”
If you, as a thoughtful and cautious person, are in
collaboration with an intuitive, bottom-line, quick
thinker…
briefly summarize the vision or results he/she wants to
achieve, affirm your desire for the same results, then
add
a statement like, “In order to do that, we want to be
sure that roadblocks don’t catch us off guard. Maybe it
would be good for us to anticipate those possibilities
so that we can be prepared in case they occur. We
definitely don’t want anything coming out of the blue to
slow us down.”
WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE WITH
UNREASONABLE WANTS?
Yes, there are those.
You have to decide just how far you will flex. For
instance, if you are relating with a tyrant, will you
sacrifice your
self respect? Is there a time to set a limit on
analysis paralysis, when the needs of people are being
sacrificed in the process? Just where are the boundaries
between reasonable and unreasonable?
Maybe this illustration can shed some light.
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his check-up, the doctor called the wife into his
office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe
disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do
the following, your husband will surely die.
“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be
pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For
lunch, make him a nutritious meal he can take to work.
And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him.
“Don’t bother him with chores, as this could further his
stress. Don’t discuss your problems with him. It will
only
make his stress worse.
“Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing
lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs. Encourage
him to watch some type of team sporting event on
television. And most importantly, be romantic with your
husband several times a week and satisfy his every
whim. If you can do this for the next 12 months, I
think your husband will regain his health.”
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did
the doctor say to you in there?”
She replied, “He said you’re going to die.”
Yes…there are limits!
Contact
us to obtain permission to reprint this article in your
publication. Please include name of publication,
organization and contact information.
Bev@MagneticWorkplaces.com or 601-264-0890.