Really good listeners are a rare workplace (and everyplace) commodity. Because of its rarity, the skill of excellent listening sends a powerful message. It says, “You are important. Your ideas are valuable. You and what you think matter to me.” Team members “hearing” such a message from their leader feel empowered to do their jobs, are willing to be open and honest, and feel free to offer ideas and suggestions.
You may ask, “What does it take to be an excellent listener? Is it simply sitting quietly while other people talk?”
Not really. As you know from experience, it is possible to look someone in the eyes and sit quietly while that person talks, while planning what you will say next or mentally making your grocery list.
Effective listening is an active process. It involves several key components.
ESSENTIALS OF EFFECTIVE LISTENING
1. Decide
to really listen. Set aside preconceived ideas about a
person, and make a choice to really try to hear what the
person is trying to communicate with you.
2. Listen for
feelings as well as facts. In order for a person to
really feel understood, you have to be successful in
comprehending both the facts and the emotional content
of their message.
3. Make eye
contact. Even though you may be technically able to
listen without looking at the person who is speaking, he
or she won’t feel that you’re listening. Give the
person your full attention, and demonstrate that by
maintaining good eye contact.
4. Use
attentive body language. Turn toward the person, with
open and relaxed body posture. If you are seated, you
may learn forward toward the speaker. Let your facial
expression convey interest and concern.
5. Ask
open-ended questions. Rather than asking questions that
require only yes-no or one-word answers, pose questions
that invite the person to elaborate. This gives you
more complete information and sends the “I’m interested”
message to the other person.
6.
Paraphrase. Check to see if you understood correctly by
saying back in your own words what you understood the
person to say.
7. Reflect
feelings. Show that you are attempting to understand
the emotions the person is experiencing by verbally
“mirroring” them. For example, you might say, “It
sounds like that really ticked you off,” or “Really was
fun for you, huh?”.
8. Use verbal
and nonverbal encouragers. You can encourage the person
to continue to express thoughts and ideas by little
verbalizations like, “I see” or “Oh” or “Mmm.” Head
nods encourage the person nonverbally.
Listening is critical in everyday one-on-one interactions as well as team meetings. Organizational leaders as well as team members make a valuable contribution to both performance and morale when they listen with their ears, their eyes, and their hearts.
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