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RISE ABOVE IT
I am blessed and inspired by the
letters I receive from subscribers.With her permission, I'd like to
share excerpts from an email from a woman I'll call Mary. As she is
going through a divorce, she's discovering secrets of rising above
unexpected hardships. Her words will be in quotes, followed by my
responses to her.
"I am currently going through a
divorce and am feeling (I am sure this is normal), how could this happen
to me?"
Yes, Mary, this is a normal
feeling. However, listen closely to the assumption that underlies this
feeling. The element of surprise is based on the myth that "bad things
shouldn't happen to good people." In other words, since you treat
others right, everyone will treat you right.
While good treatment of others
certainly increases the probability of receiving good treatment, it's no
guarantee. KEY #1: DON'T GET HUNG UP ON, "WHY ME?"
Mary continues, "My husband and
I are facing mid-life in much different ways. As my hair grays, my
waistline increases, and my eyesight has changed, I look on it as a
science project. Kind of like the seed in a cup. I find it fascinating
to see which of my parents I'm aging like. My husband bought the big
red motorcycle. Died his beard and started hanging out with
20-somethings. How silly! He eventually got a detached Achilles tendon
and ended up slightly disabled for nine months. This sent him into a
downward spiral. He started turning to strangers on the Internet for
comfort…of course, a woman."
What a delightful experimental
approach you have, Mary! Contrast that with your husband's futile
attempts to deny life's realities.
KEY #2: EMBRACE THE INEVITABLE
AS AN ADVENTURESOME EXPERIMENT.
She adds, "He worries about
everyone who's died in his life. He bemoans the fact that he's had to
start wearing glasses. I know my grandmother will die, so I go out of my
way to take her flowers now and not for her grave. My grandmother has
osteoporosis, so I've learned from that. I take steps to prevent
brittle bones and think about what I should do to minimize my physical
decline."
Mary, your approach is wise, for
what you focus on, grows.
If you are constantly noticing
and talking about what you don't have, you will constantly be
experiencing "lack." KEY #3: DO WHAT YOU CAN WITH WHAT YOU HAVE.
Mary shares more: "I did
everything. I finally got him to go see our doctor and get on an
antidepressant, which he didn't take regularly. I gave him TLC, and I
gave him tough love. A few weeks ago, he told me he didn't care about
me and I discovered he had two Internet identities. Then I had a
life-altering event…a small stroke that left me numb on the entire left
side of my body. I'm only 42. This woke me up. I decided to start
taking care of me for a change. This was definitely a message from God,
so when the craziness started again, I said, 'Enough is enough!' I'm now
in a wonderful divorce care support group at my church, and it has been
a Godsend. I'm trying to get back into my old skin, and my friends tell
me I've made great strides toward becoming the old me. All he does is
feel worse. The better I feel about myself, the worse he feels about
himself. But I know I have to move onward and upward. As I rock and
roll my way through my 40's, I find that I'm not alone."
How right you are, Mary! You
won't have anything left to give to others if you don't take care of
yourself. I applaud you for seeking the caring support of others who
understand.
KEY #4: WORK ON YOURSELF;
YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON YOU CAN CHANGE.
With your attitude, Mary, I can
say with confidence that your life is definitely not over. You have a
lot to give, and
Thank you, Mary, for inspiring all
of us to rise above our difficult circumstances and to move onward and
upward! Contact us to obtain
permission to reprint this article in your publication. Please include
name of publication, organization and contact information.
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